Antelphobia: The fear of not being good enough

She tries her hardest to look good. But she still feels ugly.

See that girl sitting alone in the dark corner of the room? That girl who wears big eyeglasses and braces; that girl who doesn’t get everyone’s attention; that girl who walks in the hallway with head down. She’s laughing right? But when you look deeply in her eyes, she’s not even happy.

                She’s insecure. She’s not like the other girls with straight hair, red lips and a beautiful body. She feels ugly. She’s always wishing to be somebody else. She wants someone to like and admire her. She wants to get the attention of someone she liked. She’s not confident of what she looks. She believes she’s not smart and pretty. She feels like no one likes her. Her hair doesn’t always stay in place. She spills a lot of things and she’s pretty clumsy. She’s perfectly imperfect.

                She’s insecure about everything. She hates what she sees in the mirror. She can’t help but compare herself to every girl she sees. She’s insecure about the other girls out there who are pretty without even trying. They don’t wear makeup and don’t spend hours doing their hair. They are natural. What hurts her most is they are intelligent too. They have talents like dancing, singing or acting. They have it all. That leaves her with nothing.

                She can’t imagine someone having a crush on her; someone who gets butterflies in their stomach when she smiles; someone who will think of her before he sleep. Every time she laughs she hopes someone’s watching. Hoping that someone will fall for her smile. But it never works out. She’s pretty sure no one will love her with the way she looks. Why would someone do that? She’s just nothing but an ugly human being.

                 She wishes to be that kind of girl who gets hundred of likes on her Facebook photos. She wishes to be that kind of girl that others want to be. She wishes to be that girl that could look good in anything and know it. She wishes she was that kind of girl that people could call beautiful. They say she needs to be herself. But it is really hard for her when she don’t even love herself. They tell her to be happy with who she is, but how she can if everyone else is damn better than her.

                She tried to love herself. But every time she’s rejected, hatred just comes over again. She’s that type of girl who doesn’t accept compliments but believe every insult. Her insecurities drown her; rip her and tear her apart. There were nights that she stares herself in the mirror and spotting every flaws that she has. And then she just realizes tears are falling on her cheeks. She hates being insecure. It kills her inside. Sometimes, she thinks of death. If she died, how many will cry? If she’s gone, how many will look for her?

                She’s afraid of not being good enough. She’s longing for love and attention. Until now, she’s still waiting for someone who will make her feel she’s the most beautiful girl in this world. She didn’t know, that someone just came many years ago. She just needs to look up in heaven where that someone lives.

                Can you see that girl now? That girl who fakes her smile just to hide the pain she feels inside. That girl who acts like everything’s OK. She’s insecure. But when she thinks about it and takes a step back, she remembers how amazing life is. And that maybe, she likes being imperfect.

Insecurity is ugly. Not you.

 

      Insecurity kills the beauty you have.

Your flaws can do nothing but fear.

 

Here's to the girls out there who feel insecure.

Nicki Minaj once said.

You are beautiful just the way you are.